As a fire does burn
Deep into the night
Away the flames fly
In a fearless flight
The flames burn strong
Of light and heat
Glowing with life
Yet dead in defeat
Feeding on a log
Taunt and tame
A lifeless soul
A faithless flame
I look into the flame
I see what appears to be
The past of a dream
The meaning of me
I look at the coals
A glowing sensation
looking at my past
Of tainted temptation
The flames are dying
As the night grows old
I see the flames suffering
As I feel around me the cold
I close my eyes once more
Feeling again of shame
What has died away in front of me
Is the faithless flame
I face the cold once more
No warmth, no light
I continue to walk south and east
Facing the fearless flight
Roam into cold and dark
Fight through your vain
Stay on the narrow path
And avoid the faithless flame
I did enjoy reading this, and even pondered on it awhile. I enjoyed the message I was getting out of it. However, I was a little bogged down with the over-usage of the words "fire" and "flame". It took away from further enjoyment, and made the whole thing seem a little redundant.
As constructive criticism gets, I would recommend this:
Synonyms and Homonyms are great. A Thesaurus is your best friend for keeping your readers interested by using varied words.
Also, I agree with the other critics when they say to talk about the flame's impact on the environment. You can bring up so many feelings this way.
Keep writing! You have a lot of talent and the only way to hone it is to practice, Practice, PRACTICE! I look forward to seeing more from you.
My suggestions are as follows.
The use of imagery was a good effort and it did play at the reader, for me. However, I would like to suggest when describing something like a flame that is dying out, try to picture it clearer. Rather then using 'flames' and 'fire', more then once, describe what the fire is doing or help us picture the fire itself. One way would be to compare it to a movement or describe the characteristics, such as when you said "taunt and tame" in the poem.
This is just a tip, but for a poem, give us something to connect with. When writing about the flame, choose an emotion to focus on and how you want us to feel about this message you are getting across.
Over all, it was still a good poem and I hope you continue with your writing.
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